Mary is a young friend of mine that I have known
for around a year. She called today and I could
hear in her voice that she was quite disturbed.
The first thing out of her mouth was, “Dr. Wu Dhi,
can I come over and talk to you?” She is a very
special person and this isn’t her usual pattern,
so I said, “Sure, come on over.” About 2 or 3
hours later, Mary appeared at my doorstep, and as
soon as she saw me, she broke out in a stream of
tears. When she finally pulled herself together,
she told me that her boyfriend of more than a year
had cheated and she felt betrayed, lied to and she
lost all the trust she ever had with him. Worst of
all, she had just moved in to his home with all
her personal belongings a week ago.
Relationships are built on:
1. Trust: According to the dictionary, the
definition of trust is that it “implies
instinctive unquestioning belief in and reliance
upon something.” This may sound like a tough
emotional order, however, it is absolutely vital
for our well-being that we are able to find this
sort of unquestioning expectation in some area of
our life, be it family, friends or lovers.
2. Loving Kindness: Without the integration of
loving kindness and compassion, not only are we
failing to benefit others, but we are actually
harming others directly or indirectly. In Tibetan
Buddhism, it is said, “Loving kindness and
compassion are how we accumulate merit to be born
in the higher realms, including this human realm.
Therefore, loving kindness and compassion are
karmically very significant and we should make
them the core of our practices.
3. Integrity and Honesty: These are the key
components of a good life, for our understanding
of ourselves, for our relationships with others,
and for our knowledge of the world. Integrity is
what you have when you speak and you know your
words are filled with love, compassion, and
understanding. It is truthfulness within you and
in the world you live in. Integrity allows us to
question others, whether it is our friend, our
lover or the government. When we lack integrity,
we are not taken seriously, our words are
confused, our needs cannot be expressed, and our
wisdom becomes scrambled.
4. Communication: To have a healthy relationship,
good communication is primary.
a. If something is bothering, talk about it but
make sure you pick the right time to talk. Tell
your mate you would like to talk and share
b. Talk face to face. Text messages, letters and
e-mails can be misinterpreted.
c. Do Not Attack. It will make your partner
defensive and less receptive to your message.
d. Be Honest. Agree to be honest. The truth hurts,
but it’s the key to a healthy relationship.
e. Body language is important. Make eye contact
and let your mate know you’re listening. Be
congruent. I once had a relationship where she
shook her head from side to side to jester no but
said yes. Her body language was incongruent.
f. Use the 3-day Rule. If your partner does
something that pisses you off, you need to tell
them about it. But you don’t have to do so right
away. If you’re still pissed off 3 days later, let
them know. Once you do let them know and your
partner sincerely acknowledges and apologizes, let
it go. Don’t bring up past issues if they’re not
5. Passion: As the definition goes, passion is
“the friendly or eager interest in someone that
brings about the activity of love”. Without
passion, the fire never seems to ignite and the
excitement or enthusiasm towards the other person
just never happens. When the attraction starts,
the fire flames up and the romance and sexual
desire begins, and the relationship starts to
build. Some are good and others just lust.
I have found that a relationship isn’t what one
really needs to work on. They need to work on
themselves. Yes, self-cultivation is the key. If
you love yourself, stay fit, get educated and make
yourself interesting. Someone will pick up the
vibration and be attracted to you.
In the Magic Square Workshop
where I spell out the formula for a balanced life
in all the domains of your lifespan, this ancient
formula will give you all the tools to bring the
perfect person into your life and much, much more.
I wish you the best in your Health, Wealth and
Dr. Wu Dhi